Peel and slice roughly 1 1/2 medium sized russet potatoes per plate. Prepare a saucepan big enough to hold them all with some salted water. Turn on to medium heat.

Brown your ground meat in a large frying pan with salt and pepper. Once it's browned, remove any grease and add the optional garlic and onions if you're using them. While it's cooking, prepare one heaping tablespoon of Bisto and one more of flour in about 2 cups of cold water. Whisk it well.

When your potatoes come to a soft boil, add the Bisto mixture, optional sliced mushrooms and celery, 1/2 cup each of frozen peas and corn, or diced carrot, and 1/4 cup of red wine to the beef. Stir well. Keep stirring as the sauce thickens and take it off the heat once it reaches a nice medium-thick consistency.

When your potatoes are cooked but still firm, drain the potato water and immediately add a tablespoon of butter. Cover it with a lid.

I'm going to go into detail here in an upcoming column about how to make the best mashed potatoes in the known universe but, for now, I'll keep it simple.

Mash your potatoes and add a good dollop of sour cream. Mix that in and then add enough milk to make a nice fluffy mixture that spoons easily but is still firm enough to stand upright.

Plate your potatoes first. Make a ring with them. Add the sauce mixture to the centre of the ring. Garnish with paprika or parsley (or don't, if that will freak the kids out). Some shredded cheese on top rounds things out nicely.

Show the kids the magic that you have created and explain the game of keeping the moat from escaping. Eat a bit of mountain, fill it in, don't let the moat escape! The circle gets smaller with every bite. But make sure to eat some of the moat as well so it doesn't overflow the mountains.

The Prince and Princess are watching from the castle tower!