When I hear or read recommendations for a healthy senior life, maintaining social contact with others is always on the list.
I do well in terms of the other suggestions for seniors: eat healthy foods—check, get regular exercise—check, sleep a good number of hours every night—check, keep the mind active—check.
But having a social life? Not so much. I’ve always been a bit of a loner. I love doing things by myself. I’ve never even considered joining a hiking group or a book club or a sports team or a writers collective.
When children are little, they engage in what’s called parallel play. They’re in the same vicinity as other kids, enjoying watching and maybe laughing about something other children are doing. But all the while, they’re just doing their own thing. Maybe I’m a practitioner of adult parallel play. In yoga or tai chi class, I like having like-minded folks around me, doing the same thing I’m doing. But there’s no need to talk, plan, cooperate or be charming with each other. This suits me fine.
In early fall 2024, I went to a “conscious eldering” retreat in Northern New Mexico. It was held at Ghost Ranch, where artist Georgia O’Keeffe lived and worked. The topic of maintaining social contacts came up in one of our group sessions, and I talked a bit about my tendency to be a hermit. So, one of the facilitators shared this Georgia O’Keeffe quote: “I wish people were all trees and I think I could enjoy them then.” I laughed with recognition and relief. As a result, I’ve since re-framed my ideas about having, or not having, a social life. Heck, I hang out with trees all the time!
Maybe being a healthy senior doesn’t require me to spend big chunks of time with other humans. Maybe hanging out with trees and birds and clouds and squirrels and wild flowers is just as good. I think the trick, whatever or whoever I’m with, is to pay attention and enjoy the company of the “other.”
I imagine that walking in nature and noticing what is around, what has changed, how things appear in the moment, maybe touching plants, maybe talking to animals, imitating birds, and being thoroughly in the present (rather than daydreaming), is at least as healthy as being with people.
On the days when I go to town to attend yoga or tai chi class, to run errands, get groceries, or do laundry, I might meet a friend for coffee. It feels warm and fuzzy to have ongoing connections to a few humans. I get an equally warm and fuzzy feeling when I have a few quick exchanges with strangers: “Whew, windy today, isn’t it?” “Oops, did you drop this?” “Look at the size of these cabbages!” “Here, I’ve got the door.” “Great shoes!” (There are friendly smiles all around.)
Now when I think about the recommendations for senior health, the part about social connections, for me, is about quality rather than quantity. I don’t need to join one group that meets Mondays, another that meets Tuesdays and so on through Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Kind words, an occasional cup of good coffee, lovely walks among the trees, being present, being thankful—that does the trick for keeping my social life healthy. Check!
