Earshot
A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest” One of the advantages of being both hard-of-hearing and slightly daffy is the
Wasting away in Geezerville
Hand washing and hand wringing have much in common
In my nearly 77 years, I’ve never spent an extended period of time in prison. Neither have I been marooned on a desert island with
Hand washing and hand wringing have much in common Read More »
Reaching out for that long-distance feeling
I just finished a long-distance chat with my nephew. Really long-distance; he lives in Hong Kong. The line was clear, and the conversation lasted nearly an hour. The cost to each of us? Not a single penny.
Reaching out for that long-distance feeling Read More »
Somebody, please turn out the lights and rescue me
I’ve lost all control of my indoor-growing habit. No sooner has one batch of oregano or rosemary emerged shyly from its earthy grave than I’ve planted three more to keep it company.
Somebody, please turn out the lights and rescue me Read More »
Trolls and ogresses for Christmas
Christmas promises to be white as a Bing Crosby croons. As we Canadians hunker down for the Yuletide to come, let us raise a wassail bowl to the fact we don’t live in Iceland.
Trolls and ogresses for Christmas Read More »
It’s beginning to look a lot like shopping
Let’s face it, some folks get really ramped up about the season of festive excess that descends upon us every December. For many of them (even
It’s beginning to look a lot like shopping Read More »
In the right sauce, mine could be a corpus delicious
Ken starts talking about pushing up… mushrooms Never, in any previous column, have I considered the need to provide a trigger warning. Regular visitors to
In the right sauce, mine could be a corpus delicious Read More »
In praise of those who actually know what they’re doing
This morning, Kyle showed up with his bulging leather tool belt, his cordless shop vacuum, and a clutch of 16x25x1 furnace filters. It’s one of
In praise of those who actually know what they’re doing Read More »
Taking flibberties with the (Widdle) English language
How do you solve a problem like “flibbertigibbet?” Unless you had a grandmother like mine, that’s a word you’d probably never heard before Oscar Hammerstein II used
Taking flibberties with the (Widdle) English language Read More »
Something’s missing, but I don’t know what
I love my cellphone. Let me rephrase that. I am addicted to my cellphone. I’m enslaved by it. In its absence, I feel abandoned, disoriented,
Something’s missing, but I don’t know what Read More »
Literacy is one of the best gifts you can give
Walking past the library on a recent Friday evening, we passed a young woman pushing a stroller with a very young occupant. The baby was
Literacy is one of the best gifts you can give Read More »
Another opening, et cetera
Ken is back producing a performance on the stage of big dreams Six hours after I email this column to Danny Macdonald, and long before
Another opening, et cetera Read More »
It may be ugly, but someday I might call it home
I recently wrote about my new vocation as a DIY coffin maker. OK, strictly speaking it’s not a coffin. It’s a casket. On a draped
It may be ugly, but someday I might call it home Read More »
Summer in Geezerville is anything but dead
Ken goes on a mission to find some beat up wood panel on the cheap for art Things sometimes turn on a dime. Recently, with
Summer in Geezerville is anything but dead Read More »
Spread the word: free peanuts on Park Street
They say the fastest land mammal of all is the cheetah, capable of running as fast as 120 km/h without breaking a sweat. But “they”
Spread the word: free peanuts on Park Street Read More »
This is what I think about that – Just saying
Opinions are like belly buttons. Everybody has one. Except Adam and Eve, reportedly. Even a casual glance at Facebook, Twitter, or similar social media platforms
This is what I think about that – Just saying Read More »
P and Q can make for some perky Saturday hookups
The last entry in this space provided a platform for a more-or-less true tale of undeserved punishment recalled (and still resented) from the mists of
P and Q can make for some perky Saturday hookups Read More »
As Granny said, mind your ascenders and descenders
“Kehheth” had some problems with his ascenders when learning to write as a child, leaving evidence on the wall. Anyone who has ever worked in
As Granny said, mind your ascenders and descenders Read More »
A long time ago, in a lake far away
I was 12 years old in 1955 when my oldest brother, Robin, went away to university. As siblings in a close-knit family, we had shared
A long time ago, in a lake far away Read More »
So long, smug Victoria. Welcome to Canada
The allure of even a well-crafted, lightweight shovel begins to pale after days upon numberless days of snow upon snow upon snow. There is wisdom
So long, smug Victoria. Welcome to Canada Read More »
At least I’m not a giraffe’s backside this time
The time-honoured English tradition of the Christmas pantomime (known affectionately as just “panto”) was not part of my childhood. For the benefit of those of us who weren’t weaned on this particular theatrical fare, it’s important to bear in mind various traditions, tropes, and stereotypes of an English-style panto.
At least I’m not a giraffe’s backside this time Read More »
Like porcupine courtship, timing is everything
Every now and then, a fella happens to hit the sweet spot, even if it is more by good luck than good management. I rest
Like porcupine courtship, timing is everything Read More »
It’s time for Mr. Green Jeans to hang it all up
It’s official. Apart from a few hardy species that relish cold weather for some absurd reason, backyard garden 2018 has now been decommissioned. Several less-hardy
It’s time for Mr. Green Jeans to hang it all up Read More »
I concur: contrition may be consolatory
It’s confession time in Geezerville. I recently spent my allotted 450 words in this space musing about some of the beguiling delights to be found
I concur: contrition may be consolatory Read More »
Let be whatever may befall
To be, or not to be. For advocates of plain writing, Shakespeare’s most famous monologue is a touchstone. Its opening sentence consists of nine one-syllable
Let be whatever may befall Read More »
Sometimes language smacks you in the microphone
I’ve already mentioned how easy it was to provoke calls on my radio open-line show in Charlottetown in the 1970s, by inviting listeners to share
Sometimes language smacks you in the microphone Read More »
Advice to the unwise: I have the questions, if you have the answers
One of the more interesting jobs I’ve ever held was hosting an open-line show (we secretly called it “open-mouth”) on a private radio station in
Advice to the unwise: I have the questions, if you have the answers Read More »
Am I really ready to face off against this change of life?
At risk of being considered treasonous, I have never once worn skates while also carrying a hockey stick.
Am I really ready to face off against this change of life? Read More »
Turning a new (gold) leaf for Valentine’s Day
I need a little help here, folks. Valentine’s Day has already come and gone, but it’s left me in a bit of a quandary.
Turning a new (gold) leaf for Valentine’s Day Read More »
Whatever happened to the artful riposte?
In days past, we had people like Sir Winston Churchill, a world-class orator and master of the insult We all know nostalgia ain’t what it
Whatever happened to the artful riposte? Read More »
The humiliation of having a 5-cent timepiece
In the hyper-sensitive world of childhood, an ill-chosen word can sometimes have a devastating impact, even if no harm is intended. I’m not talking about the
The humiliation of having a 5-cent timepiece Read More »
Calling both the pot and the kettle black
No matter how you wish to phrase it – “act in haste, repent in leisure” or “what goes around comes around” – the piper will eventually show up to demand payment. My wallet is considerably lighter this week because of one such lesson.
Calling both the pot and the kettle black Read More »
Three little words on the same little page
Just for the heck of it, let’s take a look at three English words that, on the surface of things, appear to have a lot in common.
Three little words on the same little page Read More »
Watching for things that go snap in the night
The first week of September, the mice fled the fields and snuck indoors, as mice are wont to do. It happened in the quiet hours
Watching for things that go snap in the night Read More »
It seems we can’t always tell what comes first
It’s the age-old debate about the chicken and the egg. Sometimes, we simply don’t know what is cause and what is effect. This is especially
It seems we can’t always tell what comes first Read More »
Thoughts of Hitchhiking Sometimes Follow Strange Trails
One of my favourite pastimes is exploring the origins and meanings of common English words and expressions. Our language is such a hodge-podge (dare one
Thoughts of Hitchhiking Sometimes Follow Strange Trails Read More »
On Market Day, Everything Old is New Again
The way some people talk, you’d think farmers’ markets were a recent invention by eco-conscious millennials spurred to action by reading a book about the
On Market Day, Everything Old is New Again Read More »
I Love the Smell of Perfume in the Morning
Which brings me to one of Canada’s neatest little music festivals. To protect my sources, I won’t identify it, except to say it has been
I Love the Smell of Perfume in the Morning Read More »
There’s No Escaping: Family Is as Family Does
As family reunions go, the event I attended in Ontario’s Georgian Bay district on a recent weekend was a fairly small-scale affair. At its peak,
There’s No Escaping: Family Is as Family Does Read More »
Too Curious George
He was a foundling on the streets of Edmonton – a golden cocker spaniel whose hair was so matted with burrs that much of it
Too Curious George Read More »
Every Dog Has Its Day, Apparently
It was a strange encounter that still has my brain abuzz. I was walking home from the grocery store in my current city of residence
Every Dog Has Its Day, Apparently Read More »
Those Were the Days. They Still Are
The emptying-out of Yukon’s schools signals the official start of that much-anticipated annual ritual: the Summer Holiday. We all know the narrative arc of that
Those Were the Days. They Still Are Read More »
Chipped and Faded, but a Transport of Delight
Recently, I waxed nostalgic about my beloved first bicycle, a cherry-red Raleigh three-speed that went missing (temporarily, I still insist) on an August day in
Chipped and Faded, but a Transport of Delight Read More »
It was Red, and Shiny, and Wonderful
Did I just miss skipping and hopscotch season? Marbles and jacks? No matter. For me, this is, and always will be, bicycle season. I don’t
It was Red, and Shiny, and Wonderful Read More »
Fellow retirees: How engaged do you feel?
I’m sitting in my skivvies, contemplating what pearls of wisdom to cram into a 400-word space. As I advise my writing students, when you feel
Fellow retirees: How engaged do you feel? Read More »
Shake Out Those Memories and Shine ’em Up
Until fairly recently, I had no interest whatever in the idea of writing a book of memoirs. Like most people, I assumed nobody would care
Shake Out Those Memories and Shine ’em Up Read More »
Just Planting a Seed Here, Folks
Somebody once said a gardener is just a philosopher with dirty hands and an aching back. Well, maybe nobody actually said that until I just did,
Just Planting a Seed Here, Folks Read More »
Is That Thing Called a Knick-knack, or Bric-a-brac?
Recently, I was meandering through my trusty Shorter Oxford English Dictionary (shorter, as in not quite as gargantuan as the Encyclopaedia Britannica). This is a
Is That Thing Called a Knick-knack, or Bric-a-brac? Read More »
So, Is Our Planet Round, or Flat?
Until a couple of years ago, there was a wonderfully entertaining fantasy writer by the name of Terry Pratchett. Perhaps there still is, somewhere on
So, Is Our Planet Round, or Flat? Read More »
Was That an Update, or a Sign of the Apocalypse?
It was a dark and stormy night a few weeks back. Dark enough and stormy enough that one might be forgiven for thinking the End
Was That an Update, or a Sign of the Apocalypse? Read More »
She Told Him: ‘Julie, Don’t Go’
We don’t know for certain that anyone ever warned Julius Caesar to watch his back on the Ides of March. We do know that the
She Told Him: ‘Julie, Don’t Go’ Read More »
Saving Time in the Grocery Line
Consider Murphy, whoever he was. When anything goes wrong, people assume it’s somehow his fault. Being a forgiving sort of guy, I try to give
Saving Time in the Grocery Line Read More »
Faint Praise for a Coarse Cultivar
Three foods top my No Thanks list: schmaltz herring, Marmite and kale. My sole experience with schmaltz herring – basically, raw fish preserved in rancid
Faint Praise for a Coarse Cultivar Read More »
Life hacks for the kids
In previous columns in this space, I have offered various suggestions of ways to improve life for those who roam the earth on two legs,
Life hacks for the kids Read More »
Farewell to the Big Top and its Big Thrills
The child’s heart that beats in my aging breast is breaking. They’re shutting down the circus. After 146 years (exactly twice my life span so
Farewell to the Big Top and its Big Thrills Read More »
The opposable thumb was not actually a Canadian invention
Ask any randomly-selected group to name mankind’s greatest invention, most will probably say the wheel. Fire doesn’t count; it was discovered, not invented. If you
The opposable thumb was not actually a Canadian invention Read More »
That new guy next door is definitely one of a kind
Franklin Delano Roosevelt was the 32nd president of the United States of America. The wealthy and patrician New Yorker, whose New Deal policies helped pull
That new guy next door is definitely one of a kind Read More »
My Resolve to Resist Resolutions Is Resolute
With increased age comes increased wisdom. That’s the theory, anyway. Naturally, those who are still young find this notion ridiculous. How could anyone be wiser
My Resolve to Resist Resolutions Is Resolute Read More »
It’s Beginning to Sound a Lot Like…
With December well underway, I’m finally inured to the barrage of seasonal music that assails us whenever we set foot outdoors. Don’t get me wrong.
It’s Beginning to Sound a Lot Like… Read More »
Farewell to a Gentle, Genuine Funnyman
The first time I saw the iconic Canadian funnyman, Dave Broadfoot, was during a tour of the musical-comedy revue, Spring Thaw, sometime in the 1960s.
Farewell to a Gentle, Genuine Funnyman Read More »
Like the Man Said, Those Precious Days are Dwindling Down
The great American lyricist Maxwell Anderson summed up the imperatives of this time of year better than anyone else: “Oh, it’s a long, long while
Like the Man Said, Those Precious Days are Dwindling Down Read More »
Long Live Print! Long Live What’s Up Yukon!
Ever since the advent of the internet, pundits of all description have been predicting the demise of print journalism. Traditional newspapers and magazines, once so
Long Live Print! Long Live What’s Up Yukon! Read More »
Basking in the virtue of boiling-water baths
The smugness attack hit a few weeks back, while my wife was visiting an out-of-town friend. Perhaps it was boredom or the way the pre-autumn
Basking in the virtue of boiling-water baths Read More »