This is no joke; someone actually patented and sold these products.
Why are we so gullible?
The Ab Toner: A belt that you wrap around your abdominals. Electrodes stimulate tiny muscle contractions of the abdominal muscles, promising “rock-hard abs without the work”.
Guess what? Spot reduction doesn’t work and neither does electronically stimulating your muscles to make them larger.
Other products like these are used by physical therapists and chiropractors to stimulate atrophied muscles while patients are healing from an injury. But stimulating a muscle that hasn’t moved in months is a lot different than building massive biceps.
The fact is, this gimmick just doesn’t work.
Jump Snap: A jump rope without a rope or a cord … just handles? But, for those who can’t count, the handles tell you how many times you have turned the handles. Not to say. Just $60 for the sound of a snapping rope. Priceless.
Handytrim: five minutes per day of spinning a rope is supposed to burn calories and tone your muscles all over. Isn’t this some sort of childhood toy?
The Insect Treadmill: YUP! In 1988, this machine was patented to keep those insects healthy and fit. Wish I were kidding …
The Vibrating Belts: Can’t do a list like this without including the vibrating belts that are meant to “shake” that fat right off your body.
Osim Igallop: You know this one was invented by a man. “Horse-riding exercise in the comfort of you own home” (a chair that simulates horseback riding).
Coin-Operated Fitness Vending Machine: Another product of Japan, the coin-operated conbini fitness machine moves around under your feet. It’s supposed to strengthen your core muscles, improve balance and burn calories.
Acu Dots: Invented in the 70s, ACUDOT Magnetic Analgesic Patches promised “temporary relief of occasional minor aches and pains of muscles and joints”.
Acu Dots are just thin magnetic strips woven inside a bandage. Wrapping it around an injury or sore muscle is supposed to utilize the magnet’s “healing powers”.
The Butane-Powered Pogo Stick: Gordon’s Pogo Stick was Patented in 1958. The connecting rod for the piston is the foot of the pogo stick. The bouncing action fires the spark plug after you hop on. All you have to do is fill the tank, turn on the switch, hop on, and on, and on …
You’ll be glad you read to the end for this next one.
The Dumbbell Phone: A dumbbell attachment for the telephone. A device for those answering call after call, all day long. I wonder if they come in different weights? And a coupon for that physiotherapist you’re going to need to see for the pain in your neck.
HONOURABLE UNMENTIONABLES
Bodyblade: Hold a long metal blade in the centre and shake it back and forth.
Thigh Master: Thank you Suzanne Somers, but your legs don’t look that great from squeezing them together over and over.
I am sure there are a lot more, maybe even crazier than these. Happy April Fool’s Day!
