I feel like a fool.
And what’s worse, I’ve been lying not just to myself for so long, but also to you readers. I look back at some of the articles I’ve written in the past and I just want to cringe at the sheer naiveté I had back then.
I’ve always believed that one can change their philosophies — or alter their worldviews – should they truly want to. In the past, this would have been a jolly jaunt for a carefree solipsist, but now I know how wrong I’ve been about everything.
This is hard for me to say, but the first step on the path to enlightenment is always the hardest.
There is an objective truth out there, if only we’re willing to open our eyes.
I’m trying really hard not to sound wishy-washy, but when something so wonderfully life-changing happens, you realize there’s a fine line between expressing epiphany and looking like a lunatic.
And there will likely be laughing; there will be scoffing – people might steal my parking space, but that’s just fine.
How I’m perceived from now on won’t bother me one bit. I’m beginning a journey that will take me to my ultimate potential as a conscious being.
Can you blame me for wanting to share?
I will tell you now of Dianetics, a founding tenet of Scientology.
Introduced to the world in 1950, Dianetics is a scientifically developed process that works to remove negative thoughts and unwanted emotions from the mind. These revolutionary techniques will also help remove a wide variety of illnesses (as most of what makes us ill is purely psychosomatic).
You can’t imagine how much negativity we store in our unconscious minds. It just makes so much sense to want to rid us of them. Who wouldn’t want to live to their fullest potential?
Through the auditing process of Dianetics, you’ll work to reach a state of “Clear” by removing all negative “engrams” from your mind. Once reaching “Clear”, you would enjoy perfect memory, a dramatic increase in IQ and live a life free from compulsion.
This is a chance to live completely, without repression. Why would you deny yourself that?
Plus, once “Clear”, you truly open yourself up to a universe of possibility and wonderment. Space and time will take on subjective meanings, as matter and energy become your playthings. You will truly realize that you live in a world of illusions in which we are all the illusionists.
And we all need to pay heed to Dianetics. While opening yourself to your ultimate potential is truly a worthy goal, there is a more dire reason to join Scientology.
Xenu is coming.
This dictator of the Galactic Confederacy is the one directly responsible for creating all the spiritual oppression we feel. The essences of his people were brought here to Earth, 75-million years ago, strapped to volcanoes and then blown to pieces with hydrogen bombs.
These essences then attached themselves to us, causing much emotional and spiritual harm.
Xenu needs to keep us oppressed, because by becoming the true people we are the true, Clear Thetans, we will have a chance to stop his impending Galactic conquest.
This is not just a way to feel better about oneself; this is a call to arms!
Xenu ruled universes with an iron fist – and I tell you right now, I have no desire to be crushed under the weight of his mighty Galactic boot.
When the call for our future Space Marine Corps comes out, I’ll be first in line. I hope you’ll join me.
Plus, if it’s anything like Starship Troopers, there’s gonna be co-ed showers.
