Setting aside those mixed feelings and choosing to “ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive”
I have mixed feelings when it comes to this idiom. But before delving into that, I’ll talk a little bit about the origin of this well-intentioned idiom.
The origin of this idiom is linked to a characteristic that most of us value—integrity: doing the right thing and saying the right thing, even when doing the right thing and saying the right thing may not be advantageous or may even be unpopular with others. In the 18th century, sellers of cloth would attach a string to a piece of cloth to show where there was a flaw. That is the kind of integrity most of us appreciate in sellers. Honesty. And beyond honesty, having the integrity to share what is not good (flawed), as well as what is good.
Great origin; great beginning for this little idiom. But as with most idioms, they grow up, so to speak. They evolve and their meaning may stray just a little from the original meaning … a little to the left, a little to the right, depending on culture and context.
We live in a day and age when someone’s interpretation of this idiom might well be that it is positive—even admirable. And I have considered that as well when it comes to things like gift-giving, doing someone a favour, or helping a friend in need with no thought of receiving something in return. After all, a friend in need is a friend indeed, right? (Right?).
In my best encounters with fellow human beings, I have witnessed simple or sometimes profound acts of kindness, both large and small, with no strings attached. And of course at times I have been the recipient of such acts and have tried to also initiate them when the opportunity presented itself.
I would love to say that my own small acts of kindness are from the purest place—from a pure heart with no hidden agenda and no expectation of anything in return. But I am not that naïve. As humans, we love so imperfectly … but still beautifully.
This quote from the poet Rumi seems apropos: “Your acts of kindness are iridescent wings of divine love, which linger and continue to uplift others long after your sharing.”
Is there a “dark side” to no strings attached … Well, as with almost everything, indeed there is. (Dark side in quotation marks because some may not share this mixed feeling about the idiom.)
Dark because the idiom may mean that we have no expectations, and sometimes that is an unhealthy perspective when it comes to relationships or even to a philosophy of life.
Dark because it may mean that we do not want a commitment or that we have no desire to reciprocate, both of which may be fine depending on the relationship.
Dark because sometimes it is easier to be apathetic than it is to be involved. Getting involved in the lives of others can be messy, but also so richly rewarding.
Many of us have heard this: “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35, NIV). Giving without pretense and without the promise of anything in return. So, although I sometimes see the dark side of this idiom, I strive to embrace the positive side.
Finally, as with so many of the idioms, there are often mixed feelings related to connotations. One more quote, again apropos, I believe, from this celebrated song written by Johnny Mercer and composed by Harold Arien: (You’ve got to) “ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive”! Check out the YouTube version of this song that is sung by Bing Crosby & The Andrew Sisters, if you like. They’ll have you toe-tappin’ and singin’ along!
