Three generations—including two children, two teenagers, eight adults and two dogs—got together for a week at a B&B near Lund on the Sunshine Coast. Several of these people live in Europe and there were cousins who had not seen each other for 20 years, or had never even met. Enjoyable? Yes. What could possibly go wrong.
There were diverse personalities and habits, and varying expectations of the gathering. For some, it was all about renewing acquaintances and relationships and seeing loved ones. For others (the Europeans), it was also about adventure and exploration. For them, the “wildness” of Canada is an exotic thing.
“I want to see a bear!” or “I absolutely do not want to see a bear!” This was a frequent topic of conversation and controversy. And the 42-year-old woman from France did encounter a black bear as she was walking up the path that led from the beach back to the house. The bear was more interested in harvesting the bumper crop of wild blackberries, which were everywhere, than bothering her. She was thrilled to have that sighting but also too scared to come back to the beach by herself.
It was a gorgeous time to be at the seaside, with relentless sun and hot temperatures. Swimming in the ocean (the Salish Sea), cliff jumping (not me), paddleboarding, canoeing, and fishing with the owner of the B&B, were all very enjoyable activities. The 10-year-old avid-but-inexperienced fisher managed to catch a 20-pound salmon. This was definitely a highlight and we all shared in eating it, if not without a little controversy about the best way to cook it.
The participants in this gathering are my husband’s family, as his sister moved to Europe in 1973, married a Frenchman and has lived there ever since. However, for me, as the elder female (the matriarch of sorts) of the group, it felt as if my role was to keep everyone happy and avoid conflicts.
As the week wore on, the usual tensions between folks increased with the temperature. Mustering 12 people and two dogs into two vehicles, to visit various swimming spots, was a very frustrating task and made more difficult because one of the vehicles, which had been loaned by a friend, routinely refused to start. This resulted in a carload of overheated folks huddling in the shade while the car had its battery boosted (again!).
As the week passed, the superficial conversations petered out, and some of the differences among us rose to the surface. It was all the usual stuff: how we live, how we raise children, how we spend our time and money, what each of us is doing to manage our fears and expectations of climate change, and so on. One day on the beach, with little wind and lots of people, and with tourists and locals, alike, the air was replete with the smell of cannabis. The French visitors were shocked by this and by the openness of it all on a beach full of children. And that a few of the users might have been their own relatives!
The B&B had three bedrooms and a furnished basement, so nine of the people were staying there. However, with one bathroom, it was quite congested. And then there was the cooking. One of the adults was a vegan; and a couple others, vegetarian. Therefore, it was complicated, with everyone being very polite and accommodating at the beginning—but less so as the days passed. Even in families (or especially in families), there can be strong ideas and feelings about issues such as diet, vaccines or no vaccines for Covid, etc.
A family is a complicated organism, and each has a life of its own. Then, when nuclear families interact with each other, each organism intersects with each of the others, to varying degrees, like overlapping circles. The task is always to decide how much to share about one’s own beliefs and desires, knowing that those sentiments are not shared by some of the others. For me, it’s always the desire to keep the peace which wins out, but that approach can be exhausting and not always successful. Openness to dialogue, with a large measure of love and tolerance, are most important for a successful family reunion.
