An answer can make all the difference in the world
I will alwaysremember this couple …
… and the answer that surprised me and changed my life.
I have written stories for What’s Up Yukon magazine describing how a split-second decision led me to move to the Yukon. I met my husband when I accepted a ride in his Volkswagen van on the way to my evening job at the Yukon Inn, after a full day of working at the bank. We were married in Whitehorse in the late 1970s.
This summer we are celebrating our 50-year anniversary from when we began sharing a house together. The house on Wood Street is still there, although it has gone through renovations and transformed a few times over the years. Our relationship has also gone through transformations over the last 50 years.
An inspirational couple
I had the privilege of meeting many people during my career as a dental hygienist. I always looked forward to seeing this wonderful couple. They would greet me with a smile and a twinkle in their eyes. They appeared to have a very good relationship. They would banter back and forth, always communicating respectfully with each other. They would tease each other with the ease of many shared years of history and humour.
They had recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary
I asked the gentleman, “What is the secret to your long-term, happy marriage?”
I thought he would respond with a humorous, witty reply such as “She puts up with me” or “We have lived long enough.” I did not expect his response.
He opened his wallet, unfolded a well-worn piece of paper and handed me a note.
He had written down five points
- Communication
- Autonomy
- Respect
- Acceptance
- Whose Agenda
I paused for a moment. I did not know what to say. This was not a response laced with wit and humour. He was serious. He was divulging a very-personal part of his life.
His wife had been a busy stay-at-home mother, raising their three sons. After their sons had grown and moved away from home, she continued to lead an active life filled with many hobbies and interests. His career had often taken him away from home. They had established a comfortable life with a consistent routine.
A new stage
A year before he was going to retire, he and his wife went to see a counsellor. This couple was concerned how his retirement may change the dynamics of their home. They wanted to be prepared for some of the challenges that retirement can bring.
The counsellor described five qualities that greatly influence the health of all relationships (the five points he had written down on his note).
Every Sunday night
Sunday night is date night for this couple. They open a bottle of wine and share an intimate dinner. They review these five categories and ask, “How did we do this week?”
I thanked him for sharing. I took these five points home with me.
The legacy of the folded note
The conversation with this gentleman took place about 10 years ago. I often think fondly about this couple. The last time I saw them they were having increased health challenges … the unfortunate part about getting older.
This couple changed my life
They inspired me with their thoughtfulness, respect and genuine love for each other. They shared a very personal part of their relationship.They did not take their marriage for granted.
I would like to think they are still having their Sunday date night, that they are reviewing their common values and goals and communicating with kindness and love. Always with a twinkle in their eyes. This wonderful couple enriched my life. They left me a legacy.
I am unfolding this note and sharing it with you.
